


nicknames

by remaya



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dick Jokes, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:22:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25562773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remaya/pseuds/remaya
Summary: Replace the first letter of the title with a "d."
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Comments: 15
Kudos: 228





	nicknames

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lycxris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lycxris/gifts).



> inspired by text messages and ly's ridiculous puns
> 
> harry's an auror. how are he and the dark lord getting on? idk.

*dicknames

Harry squirms in Tom’s arms for the umpteenth time. Tom can only see the top of his head in the moonlight, but he knows that Harry’s face is scrunched up in frustration.

Tom ducks down and purrs, “Can’t sleep?” just to feel Harry shiver. He’ll never get tired of that reaction.

“I shouldn’t have drunk all those coffees,” Harry whispers back. “But Creevey looked really nervous so I couldn’t say no. He’s the new hire. I think he was trying to impress me.”

“Hm.” Tom placates his instinctual surge of jealousy with the fact that Harry’s in _his_ arms tonight, not Creevey’s. He presses closer and lowers his voice. “Tomorrow’s Sunday. We could have fun.”

“Oh, really,” Harry teases, arching against Tom a little. 

“Mn, lots of fun,” Tom says. He rolls them over so he can pin Harry to the mattress.

“That--” A small moan of anticipation escapes Harry as Tom’s hands trail downwards. “That sounds fun.”

“What do you want to do tonight?”

Harry takes his time deciding. While he thinks, Tom mouths down his throat to the curve of his shoulder, which is bared by the stretched collar of the old, oversized shirt he wears to bed. Focused as Tom is, he’s taken by surprise when Harry twists around and whacks him with a pillow.

“Pillow fight!” Harry cheers, pulling back to whack Tom again.

Though Tom has plenty of time to dodge, he doesn’t.

Harry frowns. “Tom?”

“I thought…” Tom gathers his thoughts while his blood reroutes to his brain. “No long, hard cock?”

Harry stares at him a moment and then bursts into laughter. “Oh, no,” he gets out in between chuckles, “is Tom Jr. Jr. sad?”

Tom tries not to pout. “I don’t call my cock ‘Tom Jr. Jr.’ That’s a stupid name.”

“Better than Voldickmort,” Harry says with mirth.

Tom sighs. 

They do end up having sex. But right as Tom speeds up, chasing his release, Harry pulls him close and whispers gleefully, “Voldickmort,” and Tom comes to that.

“You are evil and my afterglow is ruined,” Tom complains, after levering himself to the side so he doesn’t crush Harry.

“I learned it from you,” Harry says. “Ah, could you--” He yawns. “Could you pull out?”

Tom grunts, does so carefully, casts a light cleaning charm over both of them, and flops back down, exhausted.

“You’re so _agreeable_ after you come, it’s almost like you’re a different person,” Harry marvels. He scoots upwards on the bed and starts patting Tom’s hair. 

“Aren’t you tired yet,” Tom grumbles. “Stop that. I’m a Dark Lord, not your pet.”

Harry ignores him, which is for the best since Tom doesn't actually want him to stop.

* * *

The next morning, Tom meanders back from the bathroom and wonders why Harry is sitting up in bed and glaring at his penis.

“I _really_ don’t need you right now,” Harry hisses. “I’m incredibly sore and you are not going to invite Tom for another round. Come on, who are you, the boner-who-lived? I thought you had my back, mate.”

“Why are you trash-talking your dick?” Tom says mildly from the doorway.

Harry yelps and scrambles to cover his lap with a pillow. “Er-- nothing! I thought you were going to wash!”

“Almost forgot to clean the dildo we used yesterday,” Tom says. He pauses. “Talking down that morning wood doesn’t seem to be very effective.” He raises his brows.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Harry swallows. He seems to be fighting to keep his eyes from straying downwards. “I don’t want to have more sex this morning?”

“You don’t sound very sure,” Tom says.

“Well, you’re naked and attractive!” Harry snaps, red stealing across his cheeks and ears.

Tom preens. “So are you,” he tells Harry, “and I’d very much like to fuck you this morning. Join me in the shower?”

“I have to go in on Monday,” Harry says weakly, his resolve wavering.

“I’ll be gentle,” Tom promises. “And I’ve mastered that healing spell now.”

Harry huffs and flings the pillow to the side. “Oh, fine! But you’re buying me treacle tart from that bakery today. And tell Colin that's my favorite, so he doesn’t get me coffee again.”

“I’m a _Dark Lord,_ ” Tom reminds him, to no avail.


End file.
